My 30-Something Self

30 seemed to come out of nowhere and bam! It hit me just like that. I can clearly remember when I was 19 like it was yesterday and I have no idea where the years in between disappeared to! My Mom always told me that the older you get the faster life passes you by and boy she wasn't kidding! How is it that I'm 30 already?

Am I where I am supposed to be at this stage in my life?
Did I choose all of the right paths to this point?
Did I experience all that I should have in my 20's?
etc. etc. etc.

I could probably go on with the questions that I ask myself forever! And then there's:

What's next?
How did I end up in a job that I don't like?
When should I have kids by? I hear it becomes riskier the closer you are to 40...
etc. etc. etc.

Please console me and tell me that you ask some of the same questions of yourself.

One thing I can say about being in my 30's is that I'm much more confident with who I am. I know what I like and what I don't like. I don't feel the need to seek the approval of others as much as I did when I was younger. I am fine with spending time by myself and I am not worried about missing what happens after midnight. It feels as though a lot of the pressures that I put on myself when I was in my teens and 20's, the pressure to feel socially accepted has melted away which is nice. However there are others pressures that I have let replace it. Like the pressure to pay off the debt that I let rack up when I was younger. The pressure to create the life that I want for myself and my boyfriend. The pressure to get engaged and start a family. The pressure to financially secure our future and to ensure that we will be able to do all that we want to do.

I am much better about making plans to improve things at this stage in my life. I have consolidated all of my debts and I am actually making gains towards becoming debt free ~ my goal is to be debt free my 2010! I will share with you in another post how I came to be in a position where it is taking me 3-long years to pay off all of the money that I now owe to the lovely Royal Bank! I have also recently bought a house with my boyfriend and I am very excited about moving in and starting that new chapter of my life.

The one area where I have to say that I'm totally lost and confused about is what I want to do with my life, in the sense of my career. It seems that is the one question that we are asked from when we are little to when we reach retirement, only in different variations. When you are a child you are asked - What do you want to be when you grow up? During mid-life it's - What do you do for a living? And upon retirement - What were you? I hate being defined by what it is that I do day-to-day and perhaps that's because I haven't yet found my true calling. Does that mean that I haven't yet found myself? Is that what the 30's are for?