Figuring it Out in Your 30's

Thrown for A Loop

2009-01-20T08:42:00.002-05:00

Hi All,

Thank you for your comments ~ I am happy to hear that you are enjoying following my Blog. I owe you an apology, I have been negligent lately in that I have not been posting regularly ~ I'm sorry. I will not offer you any excuses as to why because that is what the reasoning would be, excuses...

January of the New Year 2009 is almost over and I have no idea how that happened or where the time went! Today is a big day in history ~ Obama, the first black President is being sworn in and I am so excited! I am Canadian, Caucasian and in my early 30's and this is the first time I have ever taken a real interest in the Presidential Inauguration! Why is that I wonder? Perhaps it is because I am finally at an age where I can see first hand how much of an impact the United States has on us in Canada. I am also excited to see and listen to a President who can formulate a proper sentence! I heard on the radio this morning that his speech writer is a 27 year old kid ~ can you believe that!?! I think it's great because it shows that Obama has faith and believes in the talents of the younger generation!!

Anyways, back to the topic that I intended to write about. My best friend has thrown me for a loop! I met her 8 years ago at a job and we have been friends ever since! We have lived together, traveled together and I served as the Maid of Honour in her wedding! Her husband is a great guy and she, her husband, my boyfriend and I have a lot of good times together! They have been married for just under 3 years now and it seems that many of the times we have been together over the past year all she has spoken is of babies, when she's pregnant, etc. She would always say though that they weren't trying and if it happened then so be it!

Well it's happened...She wrote me last week to tell me that she's pregnant! Of course I'm over the top excited for her but already it seems as though I don't know how to relate to her. I have two close girlfriends in my life. One, my younger cousin, is married. The second, my best friend, married and now pregnant. My Mom will not leave me alone about asking when I'm getting married etc.! I can't help but feeling like I'm being left behind... I realize that this may sound selfish but it is what it is.

Don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy with my boyfriend and I am thrilled for our house to be ready for us to move into at the end of March! My hope though is that we get engaged shortly after moving in and I'm just not confident that that's going to be the case... He keeps saying to me that he's not yet ready to get married and I keep asking him what the difference is between how we are now and being married...? For me, the difference is a solid commitment, knowing that we are together forever (Divorce is not an option for me) and I will not have children until I am married and given that I am in my 30s I would like to start having my children within the next 5 years... I'm pretty sure he knows that part of my plan!

And so it is, life is constantly changing and evolving. It seems to happen so much faster now that I am in my 30s...

Back to School!

2009-01-06T14:11:00.002-05:00

Well I am in my 30's and I have finally made the decision, and the commitment, to go back to school! I did graduate University with my BA in Psychology in 2000 and I have taken the odd course here and there but I have not committed to a post-graduate program until now! I have to say, going back to school when you're older, more mature, however you want to look at it is much more fulfilling than going to school when I was younger. Back then I felt as though I had to go to school and now I am choosing to go to school. I know I keep saying this but I am much more committed!

I was stuck in a trap for a while of thinking that I had my degree and I had to work with my degree within the work world. Well I can't even say that is true to a fraction of a degree! It's my life and I am free to do whatever I want to do! It's amazing how many years it takes to come to that realization ~ I wonder why that is...? Yes it's true that the people who do the hiring may have criteria that they'd like you to meet, so if it's a job that you want to and obtain the criteria and credentials that they are looking for! Just get up and do it! The year or two that it takes to update your skills and education will pass whether you are going to school or not so you can't look at it in terms of "this will take me too long"... Well, you can look at it like that but you'll only be holding yourself back.

I am taking my post-grad course part-time via distance education. I work full time and need to continue to do so in order to pay my bills and enjoy certain things in life. Yes, part-time will take me longer to complete the program however it works with my lifestyle so it works for me! It also allows me to pay for the courses one at a time rather than in a large lump sum.

So, if going back to school has ever crossed your mind I say go for it! Take the plunge and the opportunity to do what you want with your life. This year is going to pass by one way or another, won't it be nice to look back at the end and realize all that you've accomplished?

Good Luck!

You Have The Power

2008-12-17T11:48:00.002-05:00

You have the power to change your life at any point in time. You are the one who is setting the course that your life is taking.

I hear so many people complain about situations they find themselves in. I myself am guilty of doing this at time. Sometimes I let my mindset become so extreme that I actually say out loud to myself "I hate my life!" which is so very far from the truth. It is terrible for me to say something like that because I am very fortunate to have the life that I have. I just let frustrations mount and that is the end result of my build up. As soon as it is out of my mouth I stop myself and think how very wrong my statement is and that I'm just frustrated with the situation.

Everyone needs to realize that we are all in a position to determine how we want to live our lives. If you are not happy with your job you do have the power to not go. I'm sure you may be saying "of course I need to go to work". My answer to you is no, you don't need to go to work if you hate your job, but you will need to adjust your life, to make changes so you can survive without having to go to work. Or you have the power to expand your knowledge and skill base so you can get a new job. What I am saying is that we all have the power to make decisions that will change our life!

Choose the life you want to live and take the steps you need to take to start living that life. If you are in a situation that is making you unhappy do something about it! Sitting back and being passive about your situation will not do anything to help improve it.

Like Nike says ~ just do it! Take your inner power and make a change for the better. You owe it to yourself!

What Happened to Manners?

2008-12-12T12:13:00.002-05:00

I work in Downtown Toronto and it's just bustling with people all of the time! There is this amazing underground pathway system ~ it's literally a whole world underground and there are many many people above ground that are totally unaware that it even exists! In fact, if you are on the street level there is nothing to indicate that the underground 'world' is even there http://www.toronto.ca/path/pdf/path_brochure.pdf Anyways, I digress...

In the morning I will take The Path from the Train Station to my office, in the afternoon I will do the reverse. There are doors that you need to go through, some open and some not. When I was growing up I was taught that if you are opening a door, or walking through a door that you need to hold open, it is polite to hold it open for long enough so that the person behind you can hold out their arm to keep the door open as they walk through and so on. I was also taught that you are to thank the person in front of you for holding the door open for you. I have to say that I am disappointed every time someone does not thank me for holding the door open for them. I am almost able to excuse that though. What I can not excuse are the people who will scoot through the door, as it is closing, without doing anything to stop it from closing on you, the person behind them! I find that so unbelievably rude! It takes so much more force to open a door that is closing than it does to simply hold the door in the open position.

Another thing that really irks me is when people are walking along and they stop dead in their tracks, almost causing a pile-up, or they make a sudden turn and cut you off without saying anything, 'excuse me' would work! People don't seem to realize that walking in a crowded area is like driving a car ~ you can't make any sudden turns without first checking to see if there is anyone around you that you are going to trip up, cut off, etc. and if you do commit any of those offenses please, please, please have the common courtesy to say excuse me! or I'm sorry! Ugh...

It's incredible how hard we work to teach children manners, then it seems as though people reach a certain age those manners go right out the door! Why is that? Is it no longer necessary to be polite and courteous once you reach a certain age or status? If that's what people think that's ridiculous!

Always always remember your manners. People will remember you for how you behave towards others more than they will remember what you did for a living, what kind of car you drove, how you dressed, etc. Choose carefully how you want to be remembered in this life.

Running Ourselves Into The Ground

2008-12-08T14:23:00.003-05:00

Do you ever get the feeling that we are running ourselves into the ground? Okay, forget about everyone else, do you ever get the feeling that you are running yourself into the ground?

My boyfriend and I were at our first Christmas Party of the season on Friday night and every single person we spoke with had the same complaint ~ that they do not have enough time to do the things they want to do. We foolishly thought that we were the only ones working incredibly long days. As it turns out most of our friends are working long days as well and only one person there had the complaint that they have too much time! lol I can't imagine ever complaining about having too much free time! What a luxury that would be!

I am not sure what changed the rules along the way or how we came to be in this place! The work day has gotten longer as has the work week. There is the same amount of housework to do, as there has always been, when you get home at the end of the day and we do like to have some semblance of a social life ~ but how to fit it all in? You need to eat properly and get enough exercise to stay healthy but I haven't yet figured out where the time for that comes in and your family and friends will give you grief if you do not find the time to fit them in ~ and yes I do mean exactly that because in order to find time to spend with others we are typically sacrificing doing something for ourselves...

We are getting ready to move into a new house in the spring of '09 ~ our first house actually and we are both over the top excited! We bought a new house so we have been able to watch it go up step by step, it is very exciting! Our new house is a 20 min drive north from where we currently live which will add an additional 40 min round-trip to our current commute to work. I am flexible in that I am going to look for, and land, a job closer to home! My bf really does enjoy his job, and he works for a great company, so he is going to try the 'extended' commute. Hopefully with mine being reduced I'll be able to pick up some additional chores around the house to help him out... Let's just hope that we are able to find a balance so we don't run ourselves into the ground!

I Don't Care

2008-12-05T15:01:00.002-05:00

When I say that I don't care I'm often not intending to be negative, in fact for me saying that 'I don't care' is very liberating because I am comfortable with myself and who I am! I no longer feel the need to do things to impress others, to gain their 'buy in' or hope that they'll like me ~ I have come to realize that the only person whose opinion matters is mine and that's a great feeling!

I have a Christmas Party to go to tonight, our first one of the season. I am tired, it's Friday and it's been a long week, as most weeks typically are! My cousin seems to enjoy entertaining on Friday nights because most times that we are invited over it's a Friday night! Perhaps that's because she doesn't need to leave her house until close to 8 a.m. on the weekdays and she's typically home around 4:30 or 5:00 p.m. Believe me I am not ragging on her about her schedule, in fact I am envious ~ the length of her entire day, including commute time, is the total amount of time that I'm at the office for ~ 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday to Friday! I am pooped! On a Friday night I want nothing more than to go home, put on some comfy clothes and curl up on the couch with the bf. She is my cousin however and we do need to go to the party tonight ~ I even baked Creamy Lemon Squares to take ~ yum! Our plan is to arrive around 8 p.m. and leave around 10 p.m. Yes it does sound like a short visit but I'm pooped and frankly I don't care if others judge me for only going for a short period of time!

It is nice to have this feeling of confidence inside of me! This feeling that it is my life and I can make all of the decisions for myself and should be the only one to make the decisions about my life! I think it takes a while to get to this point but boy-oh-boy do I love being here!

Thank you for the confidence 30's!

Back to Basics

2008-12-03T13:51:00.003-05:00

The City of Toronto has just given the 'ok' for retailers to charge 5 cents for throwaway plastic bags. The City of Toronto is also no longer allowing plastic water bottles on City property ~ it sounds as though the City of Toronto is going back to basics and I think that's a great idea!

People are into more organic than processed. Growing your own food, buying locally and using coupons is once again 'in' as opposed to the bigger, better, faster products that we've been consuming for the past few decades.

I have to admit that I am excited about the simpler times ahead and about getting back to basics. I am very pro recycling and doing as much as I can to reduce the 'carbon footprint' that I leave behind. I love paper bags and bringing my own bags for that matter ~ bring it on!

When I was in the elevator heading down for lunch today (I work on a floor where there are way too many stairs to take!) there was another lady in the same elevator and we were both reading the headlines on the monitor. The story about the 5 cent charge for plastic bags came on the screen and I saw her shake her head in disagreement. I couldn't believe it! I was actually surprised! It is really that big of a deal to take your own bags to the store? Or to pay the 5 cents if you really need a bag? Is she so selfish that she is only thinking of the inconvenience to herself that this 5 cent charge may cause rather than thinking of the benefits to the environment and to future generations? I can tell you that I have no desire to see my children playing in mounds of dirt!

For that matter, I have voiced many times to my friends that I am tempted to buy a plot of land in the country where I can grow my own food and raise my family! I'll be more satisfied to know that the air they are breathing is cleaner, I'll know exactly what is in the food that they are eating and I'd even be quite happy to home school them so I can teach them all of the skills that I feel they need to know to be successful, happy and confident in this world!

Back to basics is just fine with me ~ this is a great start but please keep the changes progressing!

What Does Purpose Mean to You?

2008-12-02T13:42:00.002-05:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking about purpose lately in the sense of how things fit into my life, not the bigger question 'what is the purpose of life?' That is a question that I am not yet ready to wrap my head around, nor do I really want to. I am here on this earth and as far as I know I only have 1 life to live so I don't want to spend too much time thinking about it rather than living it!

When I think of purpose I think of what has purpose and meaning for me...and what can I do to change things in my life to give them more purpose...

A lot of my thinking lately has been about what it is that I want to do with my life, with my career. I am not going to be naive and think that career does not matter because I am not privileged in a sense that I do not need to work to have income to sustain myself in this world. However, at the same time my home and family is more important to me than my career. I often think of how I want my Grandchildren to remember me. Do I want them to remember me for the type of job that I had or do I want them to remember me for the life experiences that I lived and the stories that I shared with them from those experiences? I'm sticking with the latter. I have however let myself get into a work position where I'm not satisfied with what I do on a daily basis. Considering that the min amount of time we spend at a full time job is 40 hours per week I feel that it's important to be happy and satisfied with what it is that you do to earn an income! That is where I start thinking about purpose...How can I give my career a greater sense of purpose for me?

I don't remember ever thinking about this when I was in school. If I think back it's almost as though someone handed you a list of your options and you simply picked one based on what you thought you knew about the job. I must admit that I didn't really take the time to think things through and I have allowed myself to become frustrated with where I have ended up but that no ones fault but my own. I have since woken up and I am taking the time to really think about what it is that I want to do with my career ~ my 40+ hours per week that I spend earning a living for myself. I have asked myself:

-what is important to me?
-what do I enjoy doing ~ not in terms of a specific job but tasks
-what am I interested in trying?

I wrote down a list of absolutely anything and everything that I could think of from being a Chef to operating my own Florist Shop, in the end I have come back to something related to my schooling, a course of study which I enjoyed very much, one that I only stopped pursuing because at the time I was 'tired of going to school'! lol, what I wouldn't give to go back to those days where I went to school that was fully paid for by my Parents and learned all that I wanted to learn! Amazing how what is important to you and of interest to you changes over the years!

Nevertheless, I am on a journey of creating a new path for myself because this is my life and I need to make it meaningful for me! It really doesn't matter what others want me to do or not do ~ this life is one for me to lead the way I want!

Follow your heart and your dreams and never wake up with any regrets! This is your one life to live ~ your opportunity to shine! Best the absolute best you can be and don't settle for less!

Suck It Up and Deal With It!

2008-11-25T10:01:00.003-05:00

Never in my life have I been told to "suck it up and deal with it!" but those are the words that I needed to hear last night.

I have been going through a period of self-pity lately (ok, for the last 6 months) where all I have done is moped about and complained about my current work situation! I have been letting myself be miserable because I have to get up too early in the morning, my job is a bore to me, and I get home at a time of night that does not allow me much personal time before having to make dinner, do the chores around the house and go to bed so I can get back up and do it all over again!

My philosophy has typically been that if I'm not happy with something I make a change because life is too short to be unhappy! I haven't taken the time to realize that a lot of my unhappiness is in my head ~ that I am the one allowing myself to be unhappy in the situation that I am in! I needed a wake up call! I needed to be told to Suck it Up!

Some people would think that my job is great! I make a good salary, I have full health benefits, I come to work where I surf the net the entire day and then I go home. For me though it is not enough. I know that I am not living up to my potential and I am letting that get me down!

During the last recession I was in grade school, too young to understand what was going on. Between then and now I have had many jobs because as I said above as soon as I was getting bored with one I would find another one! Today things are not that easy. I have applied to positions that I have seen posted but I am not getting any calls back... I am hearing rumours of hiring freezes, layoffs and I am even watching people walk through our office door asking if we are hiring ~ I have never seen that in my working life!

I need to shift my attitude and develop an attitude of gratitude. Nothing is forever and I have a good gig right now which allows me to pay the bills and more. My loving bf and I have just purchased a house and having a steady income is much needed right now. So what if I'm tired at night, I'll simply have to make adjustments and go to bed earlier. I'll need to 'suck it up' until the holiday season has passed and the economy has started to improve when I can then refocus my job search and find something more meaningful that is closer to home. In the interim there is no reason as to why I should allow myself to be unhappy ~ things could be worse!

In my 20's I would have said 'forget this!' and I would have been out the door. Today my priorities are different and I need to adjust my thinking to a more mature level. I need to become more self aware and I need to learn to change my perspective ~ all works in progress!

Sense of Urgency vs Patience

2008-11-20T16:26:00.002-05:00

What's really the difference between having a sense of urgency or being impatient? I will honestly admit that I am both, and lately it seems that I am becoming increasingly more so. Why is that? Because I want to get things done and move forward with things, or because I truly have no patience?

My boyfriend is much more patient than I am. He describes himself as being 'laid back', at times though, to me at least, it seems that he is so laid back that he doesn't care. This has resulted in him losing some things that he really wanted, such as a painting that we saw for sale. He thought that if he held out they would drop the price. I kept telling him "if you want it then go buy it". He decided the next morning that he would pay their asking price. When we went to go speak with the seller again she told us that she had accepted an offer the previous day, the day when my boyfriend had been inquiring about it. He was so mad that he lost out on the painting. I couldn't help being smug about the whole situation because had he acted on it he would have gotten it.

On the other side of things one might think that I'm too compulsive and that I do not think enough before acting. The way I view things is that if you're not happy make a change. It's your life and you only have 1 opportunity to live it! It's also very short and it can be taken away from you in an instant! One area where I am constantly making a change is in my career. If I'm in a job that I don't like I look for something else right away! Why am I going to sit around doing something that I'm not happy doing / wasting my life?

Can making sudden changes be classified as having a lack of patience or as having a sense of urgency? I

Learning All There Is To Learn

2008-11-19T16:22:00.002-05:00

I have to be honest when I say that I have a big beef with our current public education system (I live in Canada). I feel that as children we were not taught the valuable life skills that we really do need to know in order to survive in this world! My head was filled with a bunch of theory and facts, most of which I have not used since leaving school.

Of course I did learn how to read, write, spell, math, and many other skills that I do use on a daily basis in both my personal and professional life but I did not learn some other valuable skills such as managing personal finances and relationship building.

When I was in University I was offered a credit card by one of those vendors on campus who set up during frosh week and give away 'gifts' when you apply for a credit card! I was approved and with my first card I bought not 1 but 2 leather jackets! I thought "this is great! free money!". I would of course receive monthly statements and in bold it would say "Minimum Payment", which was so incredibly low I thought it was a steal! Well it was - stealing my hard earned money only it took me years and years to figure that out. I was not taught in school that credit is something that needs to be used very carefully, I did not learn how the compound interest worked, and I did not realize that it would take much much longer to pay it back than it did to spend it! Luckily to this day I still have those 2 leather jackets and yes, they are still in style!

Unfortunately I did not learn with that first purchase. It took me many many many more years of spending on credit before I realized holy $hit! I owe how much??? It was incredible how fast it amounted! Today I am making loan payments of almost $800 per month to try to get all of my spending paid off! I don't want to admit how high it got but believe me the balance owing was high! Fortunately I have great credit because I never missed one of those small minimum payments (how could you, they're so small!) and creditors of course loved me because they were making great money off of me! I am very very lucky that I did not get in too far over a manageable level and I have learned my lesson. Today I am not the person I was yesterday and I am not my debt, that is a mistake from the past that I have learned from, one which has made me stronger.

As I said I am very fortunate that I did not let myself get too far under my debt! My boyfriend and I have recently purchased a new house and we are now going through the process of figuring out our down payment, closing costs, what type of mortgage we want and how to combine our finances. Wow, I am learning so much and I have so much to learn! Why was there not a course in school on Mortgages - open vs closed, fixed vs variable interest rates, amortization periods etc. I feel like I am going into this blind and I am soooo thankful that I have access to the Internet and all of the resources that it provides! We are taking out life insurance policies ~ what, at 30? And figuring out how to combine our finances, talk about pressure on a relationship! Where did all of this new required learning come from and where are the teachers who are experts in this stuff?

I can only imagine how much more I have to learn in my 30's and beyond...

Wanting To Grow Down

2008-11-18T15:05:00.002-05:00

One of my friends made an interesting comment the other day, she said that she is wanting to grow down because growing up is no fun...

Her comment got me thinking about life and about how there are so many times that I am waiting and wishing for the next stage to come quickly. When I was a child I couldn't wait to be older so I could stay up later. When I was in public school I couldn't wait to be in high school. When I was in high school I couldn't wait to go to University. While in University I couldn't wait to graduate so I could enter the 'real world' of work! ha ha. In one job I'm anxious to find another job, something more exciting and challenging. I've just bought a house with my loving boyfriend and now I can't wait for us to get engaged, I'm sure wishing for parenthood will come soon after that!

It seems that I'm always waiting and wishing for what's next to come sooner and faster than it is. Why is that? Is it because I'm bored with my current state and I'm excited for what's next ~ something new and exciting?

Many of my friends do this ~ we wish away the time. It saddens me at times when I stop and realize what I am doing because I am only here once, I only have one life to live, I should be savouring every minute, every second of my life and yet I'm wishing for it to hurry up, I'm wishing for what's next. I need to be more conscious of my tendency to do this so I can stop myself and appreciate everything that life is offering me right now. One thing that I no for certain is that I do not want to die with any regrets and I think realizing that I wished my life away would be a very big regret that I would forever have with me...

I am already in my 30's. 30 years of my life have already passed by in a flash! In 30 more I'll be in my 60's, 30 after that I'll be in my 90's. Yes I still have a lot of years left to live and each one is a precious gift ~ it is time to stop wishing them away.

I Like Your Style

2008-11-13T13:28:00.002-05:00

Those are the words that were spoken to me by a bank teller today as I was doing a transaction "I like your style", a compliment paid to my by an innocent stranger. It is amazing how something as simple as a compliment from a stranger can brighten your day...

I have been wondering lately "Am I still cool?" If I think about it I don't really feel like I would classify as "cool" nor do I think I would fall into the "uncool" category. What is being cool anyways? Does that mean that you are accepted by others? Are there any other perks that come along with the title of being cool? Do I even really care about being cool?

My favourite clothes are ones that are comfortable. Sure I love to look great but I don't love spending hours on putting myself together every morning so I don't. I'm sure that if Stacy and Clinton from "What Not To Wear" saw me walking down the street that they would have something to say, but couldn't they find something to say about the way everyone dresses? Who makes the rules regarding how we should dress anyways? The fashionistas in Paris? Have you seen what they wear to some of the fashion shows? I wouldn't be caught dead in some of those outfits! I can't say that I'm up on the latest fashion trends. I like track pants when I get home and no they are not Loulou Lemon ~ I much prefer to have that money in my wallet... Many of my work clothes are from Banana Republic which I love, but have you noticed that "work clothes" are not the most comfortable garments to wear?! I'm also struggling with the fact that most of my pants are too long for me ~ the reason being is because when I was in my 20's I did wear heels and stilettos to work every day. I fooled myself into thinking that I could walk better in heels than in flats because I was so used to wearing them. I am more honest with myself though now that I am in my 30's. Stilettos are not comfortable, flats can be cute but never sexy, and I have 1 pair of feet that I would like to have function for the next 50 years! I have seen the toes of some old ladies and yuck! (no offense), I would rather have cute / sexy feet at home, in bed ;o) with my partner rather than cramming my feet into uncomfortable shoes and hiding them under my desk where no one can see them anyways!

As for the music I listen to, I suppose you can classify it as top 20's mainstream genre ~ is that a type of music classification? ha ha I have never really been into music. I have always listened to it but I can never tell you the title of a song or who the artist is who sings it. I have listened to country, rap, hip hop, opera, rock, not much of a fan of jazz...I basically listen to it all but I wouldn't say that I'm into one type more than others. Top 20's work just fine for me. My Mom listens to a music station that plays mostly 'oldies', I wonder though if I were to ask her if she would classify that music as 'oldies'. I am sure she, like me, hears a song that she used to listen to in her 20's and it brings back great memories for her and she loves it today as much as she did then. I hear the same song and think "yuck! this music is so old and isn't good anyways". Is that going to happen to me too? Will my kids one day think that I am uncool?

So is that what defines being "cool" or "uncool"? The way you dress or the music you listen to? I'm honestly not sure. I like to think that classifying someone as cool or uncool is something that you do in social circles that you no longer belong to once you have reached the stage in your life where you are comfortable with yourself regardless of what others think. I am happy with myself and who I am. I have a better idea of who I am today than I did 10 or even 5 years ago ~ thank you 30's :o)

Not Quite Wonder Woman

2008-11-12T11:18:00.002-05:00

I chose this handle because it describes exactly how I feel most times. I try and try and try to do it all but I just don't seem to be able to because I'm not quite Wonder Woman! No one is asking me to do as much as I do and if I am honest with myself I am the one who is putting all of the pressure on me! My days are very very full, although I can't say that I am overly busy, or busy at all during the day at work (that's a whole other matter though). Here's a look at my Monday - Friday:

5:30 a.m. - coax my dear partner out of bed
6:13 a.m. - drag myself out of bed, now in the dark, and get ready for the day ahead. I wish I could say that I bound out of bed excited for the day ahead but I'm not
6:54 a.m. - leave the house for the train station
7:04 a.m. - arrive at the train station
7:06 a.m. - board the train
7:50 a.m. - arrive downtown
8:00 a.m. - arrive at work, just in time (I really don't like rushing but I have no alternatives here)
5:00 p.m. - leave the office (yes, I work a dreaded 9 hour day! What happened to the standard 9 - 5 with 1 hour for lunch??)
5:20 p.m. - catch the train
6:00 p.m. - arrive at my home train station
6:20 p.m. - finally manage to push myself through the traffic and out of the train station parking lot
6:30 p.m. - home sweet home

By no means is the schedule above reflective of what I want for my life. Being out of my house for 11.5 hours min per day does not allow me to have the work-life balance that I desire. And as I am sure you can relate the work does not end when I walk in the door because then there is the matter of figuring out what to have for dinner, making dinner, cleaning up after dinner, tidying up the house (thank God we have a cleaning lady who comes every 2 weeks). Oh and then there's laundry, chores, errands and what about 'me' time? time to work out? time to relax and enjoy life? time to spend time with the ones who I love and care about? And so I say I'm not Quite Wonder Woman, I can't quite do it all yet I desperately want to be able to!

I want to be able to financially contribute to my household, I want to be able to prepare wonderful meals for us, I want to be able to entertain / to host my friends and families at dinner parties, I want to be able to keep the house tidy and I want to have the time and the energy to enjoy it all ~ so how can I manage it all? Where did this big 'to do' list come from? how is it that I used to have so much spare time that I actually had time to be bored? lol

Many people my read my day, my 'complaints', and ask why don't I move closer to work. Well that's an easy question for me to answer ~ I am not married to my job or my work, my commitments are at home, with my family and the ones I love, so my solution is to find work closer to home! I love the area in which I live so why would I sacrifice my time and my happiness to move somewhere to do something that I am not happy doing in the first place?

I came across an article related to this topic of how much time we spend commuting which I find interesting:

America's Killer Commute
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/AmericasKillerCommute.aspx

I find it amazing that the guy in the article says that he enjoys spending time on the weekend in the community in which he lives so he sacrifices time with his newborn baby to make a ridiculously long commute into work. Where are his priorities? Like us, he is in his 30's and it doesn't seem as though it has hit him yet that life is too short to spend all of your time on the road away from the ones that you love.

I sometimes think that they way most families lived 50 to 60 years ago was much more balanced than the way that we try to do it today. One person was responsible for making money for the family while the other took care of the house. Both people had their own responsibilities and it sounds as though things ran much smoother and people were much less stressed than we all are today. It seems as though life has become totally obsessed with what kind of car do you drive? how big is your house? where did you go on vacation this year? Priorities seem to be totally out of whack and I have no idea how things came to be that way! I often joke to my partner that we should buy some property up north, grow our own food (which would be much better for us than the stuff we can buy in the store these days), home school our kids to ensure that they are learning the skills that will truly help them through life instead of the trivial information that I was taught when I went to school.

It seems as though my appreciation for life and the meaning of life has come to the forefront of my mind now that I am in my 30's, now I just need to find a way to fit it all in and make it work!

New Responsibilities, New Priorities

2008-11-11T14:19:00.002-05:00

It's amazing how priorities change with age. I'm not saying that it's unexpected but it seems as though it happens overnight. One year I'm trying to figure out which club to go to on a Friday night and the next I can't wait for Friday to roll around when I can put on some comfy clothes, open a nice bottle of wine and curl up in front of the t.v. with my boyfriend ~ that is true bliss for me. Unfortunately, with how busy we are all of the time relaxing on the couch is a rarity.

Last weekend was filled with going to bed early Friday night, not out of want but out of need from being totally exhausted from the work week, waking up and heading to see our house developer, running some errands and doing other odds and ends. If you relay this weekend's events to someone in their 20's they will probably look at you like you're dull and perhaps even boring. It's strange though, despite the errands and chores I had a great weekend and I can't wait to do it again! Next weekend moving love seats to be recovered ~ and yes I can't wait!

My 30-Something Self

2008-11-07T12:42:00.002-05:00

30 seemed to come out of nowhere and bam! It hit me just like that. I can clearly remember when I was 19 like it was yesterday and I have no idea where the years in between disappeared to! My Mom always told me that the older you get the faster life passes you by and boy she wasn't kidding! How is it that I'm 30 already?

Am I where I am supposed to be at this stage in my life?
Did I choose all of the right paths to this point?
Did I experience all that I should have in my 20's?
etc. etc. etc.

I could probably go on with the questions that I ask myself forever! And then there's:

What's next?
How did I end up in a job that I don't like?
When should I have kids by? I hear it becomes riskier the closer you are to 40...
etc. etc. etc.

Please console me and tell me that you ask some of the same questions of yourself.

One thing I can say about being in my 30's is that I'm much more confident with who I am. I know what I like and what I don't like. I don't feel the need to seek the approval of others as much as I did when I was younger. I am fine with spending time by myself and I am not worried about missing what happens after midnight. It feels as though a lot of the pressures that I put on myself when I was in my teens and 20's, the pressure to feel socially accepted has melted away which is nice. However there are others pressures that I have let replace it. Like the pressure to pay off the debt that I let rack up when I was younger. The pressure to create the life that I want for myself and my boyfriend. The pressure to get engaged and start a family. The pressure to financially secure our future and to ensure that we will be able to do all that we want to do.

I am much better about making plans to improve things at this stage in my life. I have consolidated all of my debts and I am actually making gains towards becoming debt free ~ my goal is to be debt free my 2010! I will share with you in another post how I came to be in a position where it is taking me 3-long years to pay off all of the money that I now owe to the lovely Royal Bank! I have also recently bought a house with my boyfriend and I am very excited about moving in and starting that new chapter of my life.

The one area where I have to say that I'm totally lost and confused about is what I want to do with my life, in the sense of my career. It seems that is the one question that we are asked from when we are little to when we reach retirement, only in different variations. When you are a child you are asked - What do you want to be when you grow up? During mid-life it's - What do you do for a living? And upon retirement - What were you? I hate being defined by what it is that I do day-to-day and perhaps that's because I haven't yet found my true calling. Does that mean that I haven't yet found myself? Is that what the 30's are for?